September 1, 2011

3 Useful Tips to Help an Angry Child

While no person or no family can be anger-proof there are 3 useful tips to help angry child get a handle on his anger:.


1. Help your angry child get inner peace.  Research has shown that children and parents who are connected get angry with each other less. The connected child, growing up with a sense of well- being, has peaceful modeling.

An angry child may still be angry, but he learns to handle the anger in such a way that it does not take over his personality. Connected parents know their children well, so they are less likely to create situations that provoke an angry child.  Attached parents know they don't have to be harsh to be in control. 


The unconnected child operates from inner turmoil. Down deep this child feels something important is missing in his self so he becomes an angry child. This feeling may continue into adulthood. This void is likely to reveal itself as anger toward himself and parents, placing everyone at risk for becoming an angry family.

2. Look beneath the "bad" angry child.  The habitually misbehaving child is usually an angry child. If your child seems "bad" all the time or you "don't know what else to do" or your child seems withdrawn, search beneath the surface for something that is angering your child. In counselling parents of these children, there are two causes: Either there is a lot of family anger – mother and/or father is on edge all the time and the child incorporates these feelings as part of himself; or the child feels angry because his sense of well-being is threatened.

Helping children who misbehave repeatedly or seem "bad" more than "good" usually begins with a total family overhaul. Take inventory of the influences in your angry child's life. What builds up his self-esteem? What tears it down? What needs are not being met? What inner anxiety is at the root of the anger? Anger is only the tip of the iceberg, and it warns of needs to be dealt with beneath the surface.

It's devastating for an angry child to feel that she is a "bad kid." Unless that feeling is reversed, the child grows up acting the part. To get the "bad" feeling out of your child, intervene with a reassuring "You're not bad, you're just young, and young people sometimes do foolish things. But Daddy is going to help you stop doing them so you will grow up feeling like you are the nice person I know you are." This sends a message to your child that you care enough to find the good child beneath the bad behavior.

3. Model appropriate expressions of anger.  Anger that is expressed inappropriately blocks your ability to discipline wisely. For example, your four-year-old does something stupid. She covers the dog with spaghetti sauce, and the dog bounds off into the living room leaving orange-red paw prints on the white carpeting. This is not the time to blow your top. The more aggravating the deed, the more you need a clear head to evaluate your options in handling the misbehavior.

Each situation is different, and you must be able to think straight to choose the reaction that best fits the action. Being in a state of rage clouds your thinking. Your unthinking expressions of anger cause the situation to escalate. You hit the dog (which causes him to run through more rooms leaving more sauce behind); you spank the child and send him to his room (which leaves you, still seething, to clean up the mess alone). By the time the episode is over everyone feels abused.

An approach less draining on everyone requires a level head and a dose of humor: quickly grab the dog and head for the bath tub, calling for your child to come along (in the most cheerful voice possible) to help de-sauce the dog and then the rug. Your child learns how you handle a crisis and how much work it is to clean up a mess. A temper tantrum from you can't undo the childish mess, it can only add to it.

The time to teach kids about fire safety is not when the curtains are burning. In the same way, appropriate behavior is best learned before the crisis.  If your child is screaming, yelling or punching things, you are already in crisis mode.  So when your child acts out, although it’s a dangerous situation, also remember that it presents a good opportunity for learning to handle an angry child’s misbehaviour.


This article is taken from AskDrSears.com .  More articles about child discipline, behavior and family nutrition are found in this site.  Take time to visit their site for more inspiring posts.

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