August 26, 2011

Quarreling Parents: How They Hurt Their Children

Most quarreling parents differ with their partner’s principles on various occasions.  No one agrees on all things in this world. Disagreeing moments with each other are normal and natural in families. But how they handle conflicts with one another has a lasting impact on their children—in their emotional health, and in the decisions they’ll be making in life later.

If the husband and wife act in acceptable manner, they will know how to manage their differences in peaceful way. However, this seldom happens.

More often, either one or both parents handle their differences in unfriendly manners.  This is how quarreling parents get started and this leads to bigger family issues.

Although one spouse may be mature enough, the other aggressive partner won’t let this one to peacefully settle the difference.  Kids basically need their mom and dad.  Kids need two happy parents who are not supposed to hurt children.

Quarreling parents -- a terrifying time for children

Big family issues just started from a simple disagreement and misunderstanding.  Soon it rises up into hurting words and shouting, and these hurt the children.  Some homes have tears, others have shoving, pushing, or beating. It’s not their kids who are out of control, it’s the parents.  Parents are fighting again.

Seeing quarreling parents are even harder on the part of the kids. When one or two of the parents lose their control, it completely rocks the children’s world.  If the parents are not solid and reasonable, then the child’s security is ruined. 

Quarreling parents produce children who feel tensions and hostility. They become mentally and emotionally upset. This is observed on the kids’ faces and their body language. They tend to shrink, tremble, or hide. Some kids get nauseous, hold their breath, and start to hyperventilate. Others cry.  All of them are scared stiff.

Hurting children—is this their mistake?

Children have only a small world inside the home.  Centering on themselves, families and their limited life’s exposure, they think their quarreling parents are directly related to them.  Parents can unconsciously hurt their children.

When parents have quarreling, regardless of the reasons, most children put the blame on themselves. They perceive that the fight was triggered by them so they see their parents fighting.

Kids think that if they had been good, they would not have quarreling parents. Worse, kids internalize the struggles and develop anxiety within themselves.

Although kids can’t do anything to change the circumstances, the anxiety consumes them inside out.  Feelings of insecurities and doubts fill their world, and they begin to experience low self-esteem. Quarreling parents should understand well how their fights hurt their children.  
One important thing parents can do is to set a healthy parent relationship to display on children.  They should learn to develop effective communication and conflict resolution techniques.   If quarreling parents is the family issue at home, then kids will always chase fights in the family.  Remember: Children do what they hear and see from their parents.  Should quarreling be helpful then for you, your kids, and family?  Come to think of it.

Quarreling Parents: How They Hurt Their Children  is  a post on  Modern Parenting Tips: Styles & Approach to Train & Discipline Children

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