August 13, 2011

Unconditional Love of Parents for Children: Overcoming Anger, Criticism and being Strict

In this present time, still there’s one brand of family love that is able to satisfy your children, make you whole and make you happy—unconditional love.  It doesn’t change despite the modern generation we now have.  It conquers anger, criticism, and being strict.  It’s all about genuine caring of parents for children with no thoughts of getting something in return.

Accepting children as they are is something parents must do.  Control is not essentially a conscious act.  As parents, you may consider you’re giving unconditional love to your kids but if their compliant personalities make them feel controlled by your anger or criticism, you must be the one to change.
Never assume your kids already know you love them.  Always demonstrate “I love you” in words and actions.  Keep speaking good to your kids, especially when it is in the power of your hand to do it.

The Power of Unconditional Love

1.    Unconditional Love Controls Anger – Find out right ways to cope with your anger so you won’t become abusive to your children.  Never sort to anger to get the kids obey you, although it works.  This is a control mechanism, and control is offensive and abusive.  Learn to recognize the warning signs of anger.  In case you lose your temper, parents should take the courage to apologize to their children.  Explain that your deeds have nothing to do with your love for them.  You love them as they are.

2.    Unconditional Love Stops Criticizing – Parents, never excuse yourselves by calling it “constructive criticism.”  Criticism is embarrassing and unhealthy.  It results to low self-worth to children.  Over time, it can turn love feelings to resentment.  Why not catch your kids doing good things and affirm their actions.  Instead of criticizing, why not provide compliments, caring touch, words of support and encouragements to your children.  It works far better than constructive criticism.

3.    Unconditional Love Lightens up Restrictive Nature – You don’t need to control the whole world—or run the lives of your kids.  There’s no need to remind frequently about their mistakes and what to do.  If parents keep commanding, demanding, and bossing them around, it will empty the kids’ love cups.  Instead be kind to say “How do you feel about that?  And what do you think about the situation?”  Listen to them twice as much as possible.  Learn to be a convincing person, not a forceful parent.

4.    Unconditional Love Monitors your Expression of Disappointment.  Be sure your expectations of others are achievable as well as realistic.  Make clear that your acceptance of them is not performance-based.  Little kids are longing for the approval of their parents.   But mostly, a look of disappointment, a shake of the head, deep sigh, and a frown from parents are painful wounds.  They signal disapproval and failure.

5.    Unconditional Love Allows Children to Decide.  Support your kid’s autonomy.  Bring them into decision making.  They way children make decisions is building their own self-worth, confidence and power.  Let them decide unless there is a reason for parents not to allow them.  Surely, children will feel better about themselves.

Next time, don’t allow your high standards get in the way of a love-based relationship.  What your children need from you is one thing—unconditional love.  Wave the rules within the family.  Be flexible.  Get rid of anger, criticism, and being strict.  Respond positively to family members and your life as parents will never be the same!

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