July 30, 2011

Divorce Tips: How Parents Prepare Children for a Divorce

It is sad when family issues like having a divorce start to break apart parents, children and the relationships.  How hurtful and destructive it is to bring up kids in an environment of regular discord.  Although parents may separate and hide their marital troubles, kids certainly will sense that things are not working right.  The situation becomes a relief for children if both parents share the truth they feel they can.

Steps to Explaining Parents’ Divorce to Children

You are wise to think through the significant matters on how to get ready your kids for divorce.  The efforts you use will make more comfortable and acceptable adjustments as you separate and get divorced:

1.     Discuss with your kids that you’ve been trying to work the problems out.  Tell that you've even asked for a counselor's help to avoid having a divorce.

2.     Explain that although parents may have a divorce, they never divorce their kids.

3.     Tell that kids are not the cause of the divorce and that they cannot get you back together.  Explain that these are parents’ grown-up family issues.   

4.     For the meantime, parents can separate and have a divorce inside the home.  The concept of divorce may not be clear to your kids.  However; as they see their parents no longer sharing a room, kids start to think and get the idea about divorce.

5.     Encourage your kids to ask questions and express their thoughts and feelings.  Parents should let them realize how sorry they are that many things are not doing well between their mom and dad.

6.     Communicate your conviction that even though parents may divorce, things will be much better, although not too soon.   

7.    The moment divorce happens and one parent has moved out, let the children know where the other one lives, and then make plans to visit.  It's important for kids to know that divorce won't keep them from communicating with their parents.

8.     Even if parents will divorce they should allow their kids permission to continue loving them.  All discussions, planning and reassuring will help to reduce their kid's fear of separation and abandonment.

9.    Kids are fortunate enough when you as parents can set aside your differences and work together to separate smoothly.  The efforts of being cooperative will help your kids adjust to the transitions of separation, divorce and new living patterns.

10.   In the process of trying to convince your kids that relationships will eventually work out, you, as their trusted parents will be convincing yourselves, too. 

While parents are doing their best to save relationships, time happens that they may separate and experience divorce.  It may be hard to handle this but show your kids you still care about each other.  Kids always want their parents back again.  Start displaying that children still have loving parents who value each other. So what's your next move after a divorce?  Plan to have a family gathering together.  Probably, you can start ending your divorce from then.

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